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SOMETIMES SATURDAY'S SUCK!

Written by Jerry Sullivan Wednesday, 27 May 2009 01:21

I WOKE UP ONE SATURDAY MORNING WITH THE SUN SHINING AND FEELING PRETTY GOOD CONSIDERING I USUALLY COMPLAIN ABOUT ALL THE ACHES AND PAINS ANY 53 YEAR OLD COMPLAINS ABOUT.I ACTUALLY HAD NO PLANS THAT MORNING EXCEPT TO HIT THE POST OFFICE FOR SOME STAMPS AND GET A COUPLE OF ROLLS OF QUARTERS FROM THE BANK SO I COULD DO SOME WASH AS ALL MY CLOTHES WERE ACTUALLY STANDING BY THEMSELVES!

I WENT TO TOWN GRABBED A COFFE AND HEADED INTO THE BANK(rymes with mace) TO GET SOME QUARTERS. THERE WAS ONE CUSTOMER AND ABOUT SIX MANAGERS STANDING AROUND DOING NOTHING. I MADE MY USUAL SMALL TALK AND POLITELY ASKED THE TELLER FOR TWO ROLLS OF QUARTERS. SHE TOLD ME THAT SHE ONLY HAD THREE ROLLS LEFT. I SAID GREAT! I ONLY NEED TWO! SHE PROCEEDED TO TELL ME IF SHE GAVE ME TWO THAT WOULD ONLY LEAVE HER WITH ONE.I TOLD HER THATS NICE ASKED FOR THE TWO ROLLS AGAIN.SHE GOT ANGRY AND TOLD ME I COULD ONLY HAVE ONE BECAUSE SHE ONLY HAD THREE. WITH MY SENSE OF HUMOR FADING FAST I ASKED HER WHAT WAS IN THE BIG STEEL DOOR BEHIND HER AND SHE SAID "THAT'S A SAFE" LIKE I WAS A MORON.WHERE WE KEEP MONEY. lIKE BILLS AND COINS......DIMES AND POSSIBLY QUARTERS I ASKED? THIS IS A BANK FOR CHRIST SAKE! YOU HAVE TONS OF QUARTERS!

THIS B**** PROCEEDS TO TELL ME THAT ONLY A MANAGER CAN OPEN THE SAFE. WITH MY BLOOD PRESSURE OVER 200 I TURNED TO THE SIX MANAGERS WHO BY THE WAY WERE TALKING ABOUT SHOES LIKE A BUNCH OF QUEENS AND TOLD THEM THAT IF I DID NOT GET TWO ROLLS OF QUARTERS I WAS GOING TO URINATE ALL OVER THERE SHOES. ONE OF THESE SCIENTISTS THEN TOLD ME TO RELAX AND ASKED ME IF I HAD AN ACCOUNT! I CAUGHT MY BREATH AND STARTED FOR MY ZIPPER......I FINALLY GOT MY QUARTERS!


NEXT I TAKE OFF DOWN THE STREET FOR THE POST OFFICE FOR SOME STAMPS..SOUNDS EASY RIGHT? I WALK UP TO THE COUNTER WHERE I AM GREETED BY A POSTAL CLERK WEARING THESE BLUE RUBBER GLOVES UP TO HER SHOULDERS SORT OF LIKE THE GLOVES VETRINARINS WEAR WHEN THEY ARE STICKING THEIR HAND UP A HORSES ASS LOOKING FOR WALNUTS OR SOMETHING. SHE LOOKS AT ME LIKE I AM INTERUPTING BRAIN SURGERY OR SOME SHIT AND BLURTS OUT WHAT I THINK IS "CAN I HELP YOU" IN SOME STRANGE ACCENT.

I SIMPLY ASK HER FOR A ROLL OF STAMPS. SHE CALMLY INFORMS ME THAT SHE ONLY HAS A COUPLE OF LOOSE STAMPS LEFT AND WOULD NOT HAVE MORE UNTIL MONDAY. I THOUGHT I WAS BEING PUNKED! IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS IN A HARDWARE STORE ASKING TO BUY STAMPS, I WAS IN THE POST OFFICE FOR CRYING OUT LOUD! I GATHERED MY SENSES...BOUGHT THE LAST SIX STAMPS SHE HAD AND I DROVE HOME AND LAUGHED UNTIL I CRIED.

THE BEST PART IS WHEN I WENT BACK TO THE POST OFFICE ON MONDAY STAMPS HAD GONE UP TWO CENTS! I DIDN'T DARE AKS FOR SIX TWO CENT STAMPS!

IT COULD BE WORSE!

Written by Jerry Sullivan Friday, 22 May 2009 13:07

I think that I can speak for the majority when I say that I look forward to nice weather and get really pissed off when it rains,snows ,hails,or any other kind of shit sent down by the heavens! I get even more pissed off when I am bitching out loud while I am having a beer at a local bar that it might rain this weekend or any weekend for that matter and a perfect stranger interupts my tirade with"IT COULD BE WORSE" ...."IT COULD BE SNOWING" or "YOU COULD BE IN IRAQ OR SOMETHING".

Now I am as optimistic as the next guy but frankly speaking that is BULLSHIT! I am not going through this life not wanting more than I have because it's "Better than Nothing". I say to all those nosey intrusive knats...First of all "SNOW! It's May you idiot! Could be in Iraq? Your an asshole! You know what could be worse? You breathing the same air as me!

Hey Bartender... "GIVE ME ANOTHER BEER" !

THE NEW YANKEE STADIUM

Written by Jerry Sullivan Thursday, 14 May 2009 14:38

 

 I went to my first game  at the new Yankee Stadium last week and was pleasantly surprised at how polite the vendors were to everyone. I guess the New York City department of corrections added a customer service class at Rikers Island! How long until " Can I help you"? Turns into What the f----you lookin at !

Where's Guiseppe?

Written by Jerry Sullivan Saturday, 09 May 2009 02:14

I love to go out to eat at authentic resturants. My favorites happen to be Italian and German. It has always made me feel like I was in that country while I was dining even for just a moment with the waiters and waitress's running around speaking the native language not having a clue as to what they were saying except for the occasional F-Bomb which most can pretty much figure out. But in the past few years I have been rudely awakened by the lake of authentic chefs cooking at many fine dining establishments.

Just this past week I found that my favorite Italian dish of spaghetti and meatballs was as spicy as one of my favorite Mexican dishes. Last time I checked, meatballs weren't made with jalepenos! When I looked in the open kitchen at the chefs cooking the meals I could not help but notice that it was not Guiseppe and Vinny yelling something in Italian at each other but Jose and Raul were calling each other Maricons for whatever reason you call someone a Maricon.

While I love Mexican food as well as all ethnic dishes, is it too much to ask that when I go out for Italian that someone at least can pretend to be Italian? When I go out for Mexican, I want Rosita serving my food, not Erin form Ireland! I recently watched this guy from Australia piching an Outback Steakhouse commercial saying if you need to escape to Australia visit the Outback. I've been to the Outback Steakhouse and I really like it except the only authentic Australian you will find is the Fosters beer! We have Mexicans cooking Italian, Japanese cooking German and Italians cooking corn beef! The last straw will be when I spend my savings on my long awaited vacation to Italy and I am greeted at the airport by Igor the Russian calling me Paisan!  Where the hell did Guiseppe go? Someone please tell me!